Responsive parenting and creating a secure attachment
There are more parenting books out there than you could hope to read in a lifetime (let alone websites) - so how do you decide what to trust?
Many of us like reassurance now and then that we are on the right track - but with so many different parenting philosophies, many of them contradictory, it can feel like we are trying to navigate through a minefield.
Learning to trust our instincts can help - if it feels wrong to you to let your baby cry, then this method probably isn't going to work for you as a family. Babies cry to alert us to a problem, it may be that they are too hot, too cold, tired, hungry, bored, or overstimulated. A newborn hasn't yet worked out what all the new sensations he is feeling are - he is relying on us, his parents to interpret them for him. Over time he will gradually work out what they all mean, and then gradually work out how to communicate these different needs to us.
Being responsive to your baby teaches them that the world is a safe and reliable place. By meeting their needs early on they can grow and develop at their own pace. You can't spoil a baby by keeping them close and loving them! At this stage they don't have wants yet - only needs. They need to be warm, fed and have the security of a trusted adult within touch. Research from the World Health Organization shows that in developed countries, maternal responsiveness was most often associated with language, cognitive and psychosocial development.
When establishing breastfeeding, keeping your baby close day and night can help you to pick up the more subtle feeding cues, such as bringing their hands to their mouth and sucking, rooting around (their sense of touch around their mouth is very strong) and circling their arms and legs. If we wait till baby is crying, then he is going to find it much more difficult to learn this new skill.
Eventually, once a child's needs have been met, and they are then developmentally ready to move on to the next stage (often when they become more mobile), they are able to move away from us, secure in the knowledge that we are here waiting for them to return. Gradually, at their own pace, they will become confident, secure and independent young children - happy to explore the world around them.
If you'd like to read more on this What Every Parent Needs to Know: The incredible effects of love, nurture and play on your child's development provides an easy to read introduction while "Why Love Matters" by Sue Gerherdt goes into more details about the science, whilst still being readable.